{"id":991,"date":"2018-04-23T19:52:33","date_gmt":"2018-04-23T19:52:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/?page_id=991"},"modified":"2018-04-25T17:12:00","modified_gmt":"2018-04-25T17:12:00","slug":"dealing-with-difficult-people","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/?page_id=991","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with Difficult People"},"content":{"rendered":"

Helpful Hints For Small Church Community PFS <\/strong><\/h4>\n

Ideas for Handing Difficult Situations:<\/strong>
\n1. Interrupting, Jumping in…\u201cMaybe we could stop for a moment to be sure that we are listening to each other.\u201d
\n2. Two People Talking at Once…\u201cWe seem to have two conversations going on here; maybe we could hear from X first and then Y.
\n3. No Response to Questions…\u201cPerhaps the question is difficult to respond to; let\u2019s reword it\u201d (or ask another question related to it.)
\n4. One Person \u201cWipes Out\u201d Another Person\u2019s Comments…\u201cWhat ______ has said is from his\/her felt experience and has value.\u201d
\n5. Member Remains Silent…Gently invite participation, reaffirm the right to silence. Get to know the person before and after the meeting. Say, \u201c_______, you have been listening intently. Is there anything you\u2019d like to add?\u201d
\n6. Repetition of the Same Idea…Summarize their main points and go on. Say: \u201cThat\u2019s helpful; maybe we could hear now from someone else.\u201d
\n7. Wandering from the Topic..\u201cTo bring ourselves back to the purpose of our sharing, it appears the basic question here is…
\n8. One Member Dominates the Session…Remind the person that each person needs to have the opportunity to share before we hear from the same person again. Say: \u201cWhat you are saying is helpful, but maybe we could hear from someone else.\u201d Remind them of the \u201cBasic Principles for a Small-Group Agreement or Contract between Members\u201d.
\n9. A Member Questions Each Response…Remind the person that each statement is not open to group scrutiny. Say, \u201cWe hear your criticism and questions on this but what is it saying to you personally?\u201d
\n10. A Member Begins to Cry…Comfort any way you are able (just touching is often enough). Offer option to be silent for a few minutes. Acknowledge the person, and thank them for the gift of the tears.
\n11. The Sharing Becomes Too Academic…\u201cWhile what we are discussing can be very interesting, it is not the purpose of our time together. I think if we look at the questions we will come back to the focus of this session.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dealing with Difficult People<\/strong>
\nAccept.
\n<\/strong> When a problem person disrupts a meeting, begin by accepting what the person is doing, rather than simply ignoring the interruption. You can acknowledge the individual\u2019s action by describing it without evaluating. When a Doubting Thomas makes a loud noise in disapproval of a particular suggestion, you might say, \u201cThomas, looks like you don\u2019t believe that we\u2019ll be able to reach consensus on this. Am I correct?\u201d Always check out your perceptions. Don\u2019t rush off to assumptions. You may be wrong.<\/p>\n

Legitimize.<\/strong>
\nOnce you have let a problem person know that you have heard him or her correctly, legitimize the validity of the feelings behind the behavior. \u201cThomas, I know you\u2019re concerned. The process of coming to consensus can be frustrating. And you may be right\u201d You don\u2019t have to agree with the problem person; just acknowledge that it is legitimate to feel that way. Point out that he or she may be helping the group by raising doubts or introducing different points of view.<\/p>\n

Defer.<\/strong>
\nSuppose you have reached a decision point: You can either deal with the issue right away or try to get agreement to defer until later. Let\u2019s take the latter option first. In many situations it\u2019s better not to try to resolve an issue in the middle of a meeting, or it\u2019s just more appropriate to address it later. Make sure that the concern is recorded in the group memory so it will not be forgotten; then explain to the problem person why you prefer to defer. In the case of the Doubting Thomas: \u201cWe won\u2019t know if we can reach consensus until we try. Are you willing to give it a chance? If we can\u2019t reach consensus we can always faIl back and settle the matter by a win\/lose approach.\u201d If the problem person agrees to defer, quickly refocus the meeting and continue with what you were doing before the interruption. If the problem person insists on continuing the disruption, go on to the following step.<\/p>\n

Graduated response.
\n<\/strong> In dealing with problem people, always begin with the most subtle and least threatening interventions. If a low-key approach doesn\u2019t seem to work, then you may have to escalate, saving direct confrontation as a last resort. Move gradually from win\/win to win\/lose techniques. In the case of a loudmouth, begin by looking directly at the person, thanking the individual for his or her contribution, and then calling on someone else. \u201cThank you, Harry. Okay, Elizabeth, you\u2019re next.\u201d If this doesn\u2019t work, move to Harry\u2019s side of the room and finally step up very close to Harry, making him feel uncomfortable by your physical proximity, by your invasion of his private space. Look him in the eye and say, \u201cWe\u2019ve got that, Harry!\u201d Still remaining close, turn away from Harry and call on someone else. If that doesn\u2019t work, confront Harry outside the meeting! \u201cWhat\u2019s going on, Harry? Why are you dominating the meeting and not letting other people have a chance to talk?\u2019 Finally, you may have to confront Harry in front of the group: \u201cHold on, Harry. It\u2019s my opinion that you\u2019re dominating this meeting and not giving other people a chance to talk. I\u2019d like to check my perceptions out with the rest of you. Do you feel the same way?\u201d This is the most threatening approach and should be reserved for last.<\/p>\n

Excerpt from How to Make Meetings Work , Berkley Pub. Group, pp. 104-107, copyright 1976 by Michael Doyle & David Strauss. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Helpful Hints For Small Church Community PFS Ideas for Handing Difficult Situations: 1. Interrupting, Jumping in…\u201cMaybe we could stop for a moment to be sure that we are listening to each other.\u201d 2. Two People Talking at Once…\u201cWe seem to have two conversations going on here; maybe we could hear from X first and then […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":1009,"menu_order":10,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-991","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P91lrr-fZ","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/991","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=991"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/991\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":992,"href":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/991\/revisions\/992"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1009"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/annhernandez.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=991"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}